So tonight, I'm in the mood for Hi-NRG/House/Disco from the 80s and here's what I've downloaded:
2RAD4U
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
/b/ Random Sex Stories 5: Anti Corn
Ok stand by for maximum awkward, awkard with the intensity of 1000 suns..
>In city for a course, GF comes with me, we fuck a lot..
>Mr stiffy is becming tired, so when we stop and go and get dinner I have a fantasic idea and sneak a cob of corn to use as a "stunt penis" later on...
>We fuck for a while and i blow, then suprize her with the corn, she loves it, 10 minutes later im ready to go again and shes still got her motor revving.
> Fuck blow finish and sleep.... I put the corn on the bedside table...
>Later that night its round 2, Im going soft so decide its time for the stunt penis.
>I insert it, back and forth a bit, she starts screaming... Turn on the light.
Oh god what is that....
>Ants, Ive just jammed about 1 billion tiny ants up her vag, the little fuckers are all through the bed, she showered for about an hour and gave me a blow by blow description of every nip or move by the ants..
There was no more sex that trip.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
The Carter Collection Part 0: Prelude To Vinyls
Alright guys I'm going to level with you here. Currently, I don't own a vinyl or record player and this is because I was going to get one but my grandma got sick and I didn't want to take it off of her and blah blah all of that boring shit. Plus that thing is ancient as all hell. So, I figure since I talk bits and pieces to you guys and my friends about my music reviews, I figure what the heck why not talk about my vinyl collection. As it progresses through my life and time (damn Jay-Z reference). Anyway..(Don't you hate when people say anywho?) Any fucking way, what I'm going to do is try to pick a main day and each week I'll talk about one record/vinyl I have until I run out. I'll talk about the cover art, inlay, genre(s), feels it gives me and what it means to me. Ummm most of these have been purchased by my wonderful girlfriend who most of you know already. And along with talking about the album I'll have pictures of the Front, Inside and Back so it will be an all out review. I'm writing this at 3am on Tuesday, you guys will read it 1pm Johnny's time and it'll be really neat. I have 6 records here so you can look forward to 1 record a week and I hope by the end of week 6 I'll have a new record and you won't even remember I wrote that line. If not, then I'm kind of screwed. Hopefully, we don't pack the site full of our shenanigans. Wow this is like my most focused post yet. It's almost like every job test I took said I should consider being a journalist...oh wait...FUCK.
So yeah, tl;dr 6 of my favorite album/LP/vinyls I own will be reviewed each week. I hope you like it; no fancy shenanigans, no Carter(isms), no fancy edited tricks and just from the heart...ok there may be some Carter(isms) and editing tricks...but no filter on the pictures, learn to love my freaky bed sheets.
Vertrell Carter...The Carter Collection...Dig it!
So yeah, tl;dr 6 of my favorite album/LP/vinyls I own will be reviewed each week. I hope you like it; no fancy shenanigans, no Carter(isms), no fancy edited tricks and just from the heart...ok there may be some Carter(isms) and editing tricks...but no filter on the pictures, learn to love my freaky bed sheets.
Vertrell Carter...The Carter Collection...Dig it!
Monday, January 28, 2013
/b/ Sex Stories 4: Pound Town Bound
Alright, I'll bite. When it comes to sex, I'm a marathon runner, not a sprinter, so.....
>Be 18 (25) now, started dating my now wife
>Per usual, apartment is hot with the tension of love
>End up in the bedroom
>Let the games begin
>We're at it for about a half hour
>She starts getting a little dry
>Have no fear, lube is here!
>Lube is on end table
>Don't want to withdraw
>Lean over to reach for it
>Arm stretching to maximum capacity
>Lean forward a little
>Supporting arm gives out
>Fall face first into the corner of the endtable
>Punches a hole in my forehead
>Unconscious
>Wake up 5 or so minutes later to her misting my face with a misting bottle we used to get our cats off our houseplants
>Laughing her ass off
>MFW I washed the blood off my face, put on a Power Rangers bandaid and went back to poundtown.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
/b/ Sex Stories 3: Clam Diving
>hanging out at gfs house
>we had sex for the first time 3 weeks before
>We're "highschool sweethearts" and each others first
>as soon as we fuck for the first time it's apparent she's down to try anything
>making out on her couch
>Make the move towards her pants
>go clam diving
>peel off each others clothes
>she asks if I want to try anal
>fuckyea.jpg
>I slip it in doggystyle on the floor in the living room (no ones home)
>after 20 minutes of anal pounding I feel something weird on my balls
>I look down to see her dog licking my balls like crazy
We still laugh about it to this day
Saturday, January 26, 2013
/b/ Sex Stories 2: H-here i go
Fuck. here i go.
>be 18 (23 now)
>in high school
>on a break with gf so im on the prowl
>girl ive wanted to fuck for years, only cause of her ridiculously massive tits and i hit it off
>doing a fundraiser together
>"hey anon lets go to your house and watch a movie"
>ohshititshappening.jpeg
>put in movie, instantly start making out etc..
>boner is bursting out of my jeans
>rides me with my jeans still on for like 30 minutes
>almost cumming
>Finally takes off clothes
>litterally almost cumming my pants
>i pull out condom
>she says 'i dont like using condoms just cum on me"
>ok sure
>litterally as my dick is going into her i cum buckets from all the teasing earlier.
>she gets up
>"did you just cum?"
>i play it off as muscle contractions cause im horny
>go soft
>FUCK
>decided to watch tv and wait for round 2
>episode of friends is on about how one of the guys had erectile disfunction
>sit quietly
>looking at this chicks huge tits
>not even a wiggle
>spaghetti was fucking everywhere
>"....uhmm i can take you to a pharmacy if you want?"
>she says Wtf
>realizes i came in her and looses her shit
>storms out of my room and leaves her bra in my bed
>5 years later i still fap into her bra and the memories of dem titties
ive litterally never been more embarassed in my life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3depressing5u? Ok sad fuck...here's a short...
>be pounding new gf for the second time
>missionary position
>my ass is up in the air
>been holding in 8999 farts in all night
>as soon as a bust the biggest nut a monster air bender rips the sound barrier
>don't talk about it.
>be 18 (23 now)
>in high school
>on a break with gf so im on the prowl
>girl ive wanted to fuck for years, only cause of her ridiculously massive tits and i hit it off
>doing a fundraiser together
>"hey anon lets go to your house and watch a movie"
>ohshititshappening.jpeg
>put in movie, instantly start making out etc..
>boner is bursting out of my jeans
>rides me with my jeans still on for like 30 minutes
>almost cumming
>Finally takes off clothes
>litterally almost cumming my pants
>i pull out condom
>she says 'i dont like using condoms just cum on me"
>ok sure
>litterally as my dick is going into her i cum buckets from all the teasing earlier.
>she gets up
>"did you just cum?"
>i play it off as muscle contractions cause im horny
>go soft
>FUCK
>decided to watch tv and wait for round 2
>episode of friends is on about how one of the guys had erectile disfunction
>sit quietly
>looking at this chicks huge tits
>not even a wiggle
>spaghetti was fucking everywhere
>"....uhmm i can take you to a pharmacy if you want?"
>she says Wtf
>realizes i came in her and looses her shit
>storms out of my room and leaves her bra in my bed
>5 years later i still fap into her bra and the memories of dem titties
ive litterally never been more embarassed in my life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3depressing5u? Ok sad fuck...here's a short...
>be pounding new gf for the second time
>missionary position
>my ass is up in the air
>been holding in 8999 farts in all night
>as soon as a bust the biggest nut a monster air bender rips the sound barrier
>don't talk about it.
Friday, January 25, 2013
/b/ Sex Stories 1: Busted A Nut Louie
>Be 21
>Going down on GF, beating off
>Busted a nut, caught payload in left hand
>GFs 10yr old bro barges in
>ohshit.jpg
>lunge 10ft and slam door before he pokes head in
>GF hides under blanket, lil bro yells WAT R U DOING
>"Playing Ninja, go away"
>Lil bro hulk smashes door to try to look in, right hand still holding door closed
>Use left hand to facepalm him out, forgot my payload was still in hand
>Ohfuckohfuck.gif
>GF dives into hallway, bathes his whole head in sink
>WAT R U DOING WAT IS THIS
>LOUIE STFU
>MFW 10yr old was stiffarmed with my seed
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Every freakin night and every freakin day.
Get home from run or shopping with gf. Plop down into my chair.
Open aim (yes I still use aim, skype is for horny teens...deal with it)
So...I open aim and IMs flood my screen with REVIEW THIS, DUDE LOOK AT THIS, DUDE CHECK OUT MY BAND...DUDE DO YOU HAVE LINKS FOR THIS, HEY CHECK THIS OUT...
Ok cool fine...ahhh let's check twitter...CAN YOU POST THIS ON YOUR BLOG FOR ME? CAN YOU RETWEET THIS FOR ME?
Facebook (which i barely go on now)
People literally ask me in PM's to like their pages or "say something funny/witty" so people comment.
Lastfm...look at how many friends and messages I have on it,..
The music stuff I can understand because people value my opinion but the other stuff? Really? I don't find myself funny at all. I'm just honest...maybe that's funny?
This is why I have like 300-400 followers on twitter and I only follow like 80 or 90. And I'm barely on facebook. I still wake up to pokes from people from like 2 years ago...it's weird. I've gotten noticed in public a few times too...I need to start making t-shirts or something. I don't get it...Like I said, yeah I totally get it..Carter is the music guy so fuck yeah but other than that...I don't get it.
Now if you're still reading this, you will have to excuse me because I have to find this anniversary gift for my gf by Thursday. And if the 3 Hallmark shops around me don't have it, I will have to drive 45mins downtown for a stuffed animal...
DONT BE AN ASSHOLE HALLMARK!
P.S.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST...YES, I WILL REVIEW THE FUCKING NEW RA RA RIOT ALBUM...OK? OK COOL FUCKING RELAX NOW.
everything i say and do is a reference
Damn Son Where'd You Find This? Hall & Oates - H2O (1982)
Literally great all the way through...I can't wait until I buy this LP (vinyl)
8/10
DAT CRIME PAYS BEAAAAAAAT
Friday, January 18, 2013
Movie Feels: By @LakeshoreJohnny
1926
This shot from the movie The General is the most expensive shot in silent film history. It was filmed in a single take, that had to be perfect, with a real train and a ‘dummy’ engineer (notice the white arm hanging out the conductors window). Some of the locals who came to watch the filming, thought the dummy was a real person and screamed in horror; supposedly, one person even fainted.
Imagine Please by @LakeshoreJohnny
imagine please...
Imagine please...
Imagine Please...
IMAGINE PLEASE...
IMAGINE...PLEASE...
IMAGINE...PLEASE...
Movie Feels by @LakeshoreJohnny
That feel when goddamn hipsters are taking over Sundance and making it uncool now.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Trailer Feels by @LakeshoreJohnny: Spring Breakers (Trailer) by Harmony Korine aka God.
SO. FUCKING. EXCITED. FOR. THIS. MOVIE.
INB4 JOHNNY IS A CREEPER.
FUCK NO.
MAYBE.
BUT NOT CREEPER LIKE I'LL JACK IT IN THE THEATER WHILST SEEING THIS
BECAUSE I LOVE HARMONY
REMEMBER KEN PARK, FUCKER?
GUMMO?
MFW HE'S MY IDOL IN FILM BECAUSE HE GIVES NO FUCKS?
SPRING. BREAKERS.
AND IT HAS GUCCI MANE IN IT!!
ALL OF THE AWARDS.
HARMONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Carter's Abridged Reviews (C.A.R)...Dredd (2012)
>dredd gets tossed rookie psychic
>3 criminals get tossed off ledge and skinned alive in this huge building complex (its like poor people city)
>they capture black dude who was one of the skinners
>kanye west love lockdown the building
>70% of the movie is an resident evil escort mission
>rookie kills guy begging for his life
>rookie finds his wife
>couldnt tell her(damn i feel for dem)
>after that rookie is terminator blood lust (so much for that humanizing plot point)
>bad guy lady with scar on face(her name is MA MA...OR MAMA for short and her gangs name is...THE MA MA GANG...OR MAMA GANG FOR SHORT)
>scarface lady uses big guns to blast them away
>blows up half the section
>spoiler they miss
>rookie reads black guys mind
>wut am i thinking about now
>cool trippy scene of them fucking...kinda funny
>fast forward>murder>murder>kill>kill>rookie gets captured>murder murder kill kill
>3 (only 3) good guys come in...they work with mama
>dredd says lolniggapls kills them guy shoots dredd>fuck im bleedin>WAIT...whut?
>rookie shoots him in the back>HAHA THATS WHY I SAID WAIT
>dredd heals up (not even joking, pulls out pack, auto cleans wound with auto stitches...[no not being dramatic with the word auto])
>rookie says k whut do now dredd
>we keel ma ma>kk dred>up the stairs>down the hall>through the meadows>over the woods
>end up at ma mas top shit top
>ma ma i will insert this thing in my arm yada yada kill me the place blows
>dredd>bitchpls>shoot bitch>drug her with slow mo(yes...again LOL SLOW MO DRUG BECAUSE YA KNO WEED AND SLO MO IN MOVIES..GET IT?)
>push bitch off top floor>trippy shit>glass and shit>glass is 2 shiny for me
>SHYNE BRI LIK KA DYMOND
>SHYN BRI LIK3 KA DYMUND
>head cracks on floor>all of bloodz no crips>no snoop dogg>no crip walk
>so dredd she pass or fail....>she passes
>MOVIE OVER
also
NIGGA DOESNT EVEN TAKE OFF HIS FUCKING HELMET
What I learned from this movie....
Yeah soooo 4/10
See you next time!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Justin Timberlake – Suit & Tie f. Jay-Z (prod. Timbaland)
2/5Different beat styling from Timbaland, average Jay-Z verse nothing remarkable here...You won't remember this song in T-minus 2 weeks unless some insane remix happens...And for everyone who gets "mad" and calls me a "hater" I'm a big JT, Jay-Z and Timbo fan...this isn't anything Robin Thicke hasn't done before already.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
Damn Son Where'd You Find This? Fripp & Eno - (No Pussyfooting)
I can't believe I missed this and I can't wait until I get the rest of the collection.
2Ambient4u
Why didn't Johnny tell me about this?
Sunday, January 6, 2013
boo bahh: John Cena vs. the Undertaker...
(3:34:45 AM) boo bahh: John Cena vs. the Undertaker
(3:34:47 AM) boo bahh: oh boy
(3:34:55 AM) vertrellcarter: OK
(3:34:58 AM) vertrellcarter: OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
(3:35:00 AM) vertrellcarter: YOU KNOW WHAT
(3:35:01 AM) vertrellcarter: FUCK IT
(3:35:06 AM) vertrellcarter: FUCK IT EVERY THING
(3:35:10 AM) vertrellcarter: WHY NOT
(3:35:11 AM) vertrellcarter: FUCK IT
(3:35:20 AM) vertrellcarter: john boy vs marktaker
(3:35:22 AM) vertrellcarter: why not
(3:35:39 AM) vertrellcarter: LETS JUST RUIN EVERYTHING
(3:35:40 AM) vertrellcarter: FUCK IT
(3:35:48 AM) vertrellcarter: FUCK THE RULES
(3:35:52 AM) vertrellcarter: LETS JUST DO THINGS
(3:35:56 AM) vertrellcarter: SURE WHY NOT
(3:36:07 AM) vertrellcarter: im too mad for this
(3:36:31 AM) vertrellcarter: like wow
(3:36:37 AM) vertrellcarter: fucking
(3:36:39 AM) vertrellcarter: lets just have
(3:36:46 AM) vertrellcarter: sting vs hogan for the tna title too
(3:36:47 AM) vertrellcarter: fuck it
(3:36:53 AM) vertrellcarter: fuck every fucking thing
(3:36:54 AM) vertrellcarter: wow
(3:36:56 AM) vertrellcarter: im
(3:36:58 AM) vertrellcarter: gaaaaaaaaaah
(3:37:14 AM) vertrellcarter: i know its gonna happen too
(3:37:19 AM) vertrellcarter: thats the fucking bad part
(3:37:35 AM) vertrellcarter: because people thought it would happen last year
(3:37:56 AM) vertrellcarter: plus hes the only guy left
(3:38:06 AM) vertrellcarter: got damnit i hope cena wins
(3:38:27 AM) vertrellcarter: just so i can fucking throw my fucking hat down and jump on that shit
(3:38:28 AM) vertrellcarter: wow
(3:40:31 AM) vertrellcarter: im so angry my fucking armpits are sweating
(3:41:14 AM) boo bahh: laughing so hard ->flame on
Friday, January 4, 2013
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