The Life and Times of V.Carter Vol.3: Reasons Why I Can't Listen To My Girlfriend

Most of these reasons will be dick related.

Number 1: She has too much cleavage and it melts my brain:

"Fuck, I dropped my contact can you help me get it? ..I really get tired of losing these things...HEY, HELP ME FIND IT AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TITS"

Number 2: She talks to me wearing panties:

"Hey would do you think about my panties? Eh, they are cute. Anyway, what do you want to get for dinner tonight? Babe? Baby? Hello? What do you want for dinner tonight? Were you looking at my ass this whole time? And not listening to me?"

Number 3: When Carter is Srs...Girlfriend is Not:

"Seriously, Taylor you're really pissing me off. By being annoying and I really just want to tell you....STOP SMILING AT ME AND LAUGHING!!! It's not cute or funny..hahaha STOP IT!!"

And lastly...Number 4:

THIS is how my lovely girlfriend always asks me to do things I don't really want to do take a look:

"Hey, I know you don't like my friends that much, but would you mind going to their party for at least a couple hours?"

Got damn...welp can't say no to that!

..Sigh every time...See you guys next time for Vol.4!

*PS. Gianna's look and body are so close to my girlfriends' sometimes I have to stare at the gifs and double and triple check to make sure its not her.*

The Real Harlem Shake

The Life and Times of V.Carter Vol.2: Shit I Know My GF Does Alone

Shit I Know My Girlfriend Does Alone

This is what my gf does home alone with the radio blasting:

My gf listens to rap and she thinks she has the swags:

 With the size of her tits and the amount of time women stay in the bathroom, I'm pretty sure she does alot of this.
"I gotta change my dress or um umm re-check my shoes and do my hair"

Why is our fucking bed always soaking wet and shit? Like when it's summer I'm not even mad but during the winter come on man!

One day I caught my gf doing this:

 and im likeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:

She swears that she was trying to get "salt" out of her cleavage but I don't buy it at all. I knew the truth. I'm cracking the Girl Code gentlemen and I will report my findings. Well that's all for me this week.

Until next time!

*P.S. She changes the story from salt to itching to skittles...BUSTED!!!*

I lied to you all...and I apologize

Remember how I said my girlfriends tits are 36 DDD...well I lied.

(9:26:55 PM) vertrellcarter: http://wesharefeels.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-life-times-of-vcarter-vol1typical.html
(9:27:16 PM) Girlfriend: nicw
(9:27:19 PM) Girlfriend: thats great babe
(9:27:37 PM) vertrellcarter: i dont know if i got your boob size right in the post though lol
(9:29:05 PM) Girlfriend: 38 DDD
(9:29:10 PM) vertrellcarter: oh
(9:29:11 PM) vertrellcarter: lol

Fastest royal rumble eliminations

Hella lulz. I'm not at my computer so ill drop the link. Ill embed it later.



http://youtu.be/n89h4zrJ9Zw

If You Have A Few Free Minutes..

(3:11:33 AM) vertrellcarter: wife/gf/bf/husband: you gotta have someone to love you and care for you and someone who you want to constantly spend money on because TRUST ME spending money on yourself gets old...QUICK and i know its really hard for people to understand that shit but look, you can only wear one pair of shoes at a time. you can only drive one car at a time. you can only fuck so many bitches because those bitches soon become a liablity. it gets old. but love doesnt. so 1 SLUT, 1 WHORE, 1 SEX SLAVE, 1 FAGGOT, 1 SHEMALE, 1 TRANNY, 1 CROSSDRESSER, 1 whatever..but you need that, because thats how you keep sanity
(3:13:21 AM) vertrellcarter: house/home/condo/living space...no one wants to live in some shit place that gets robbed or shot up or fucking filled with bugs. but what makes the house? is it the stuff? no its the view and SPACE you have. and since we're being realistic the VIEW will always be nice..space? not always so choose VIEW. nothing is motivates you  more to start your day than to 1 wake up next to your partner and 2 look out and have a nice ass view
(3:14:41 AM) vertrellcarter: 3 internet/computer...its the world we live in..unless you're the EHHH I GOTTA JUST ESCAPE IT ALL AND UNPLUG MAN...so yeah, great fast internet to keep you on top of your shit and a computer to run it all on. because at that rate who fucking even needs tv? when you can stream your favorite tv shows in 1080 with fast ass internet and have you have gadgets, you can just hook them all up
(3:14:49 AM) vertrellcarter: and thats it
(3:18:11 AM) vertrellcarter: and job? no one really needs a job that makes you a billion bucks? why because its fucking hard work and most people kill themselves off of that shit....soooo yeah why not have something you enjoy doing? instead who cares if you dont make moolians of dollars or hell even 6 figures. its all about fun
(3:18:23 AM) vertrellcarter: buttttttttttt thats me and thats how i think it should be
(3:18:41 AM) vertrellcarter: i know some people define themselves with what others think of them with cars and clothes and shoes and houses and etc
(3:21:37 AM) vertrellcarter: and i guess again thats where i and the masses differ i know people say they want fun but they dont
(3:22:00 AM) vertrellcarter: you buying the new jordans for 400 bucks only to send me pictures of it doesnt make you cooler than me
(3:22:10 AM) vertrellcarter: it makes you dumber than me sure
(3:22:13 AM) vertrellcarter: but cooler? no lol
(3:22:32 AM) vertrellcarter: and if you can spend 400 on shoes you shouldnt worry about what i think nor how i react
(3:23:54 AM) vertrellcarter: never understood that people think boasting about something to someone else who doesnt even care means you've ONE UPPED them in some way
(3:24:04 AM) vertrellcarter: and the kicker is
(3:24:16 AM) vertrellcarter: its like HEY I JUST BESTED YOU IIN THIS SHIT WHAT YOU GOTTA SAY NOW
(3:24:29 AM) vertrellcarter: its like umm i didnt even care about that thing you got in the first place
(3:24:34 AM) vertrellcarter: HAHAHAHA WHATEVER U MAD U MAD
(3:24:36 AM) vertrellcarter: clearly
(3:24:43 AM) vertrellcarter: you sure showed me man
(3:25:37 AM) vertrellcarter: kinda like how on halo
(3:25:43 AM) vertrellcarter: when we beat people
(3:25:55 AM) vertrellcarter: and they YEAH WELL MY KILL DEATH RATIO IS HIGHER THAN YOURS FAGGOT
(3:25:59 AM) vertrellcarter: and its like um? ok?
(3:26:15 AM) vertrellcarter: how is that supposed to matter to me whatsoever?
(3:27:05 AM) vertrellcarter: its like me telling you, hey i know you like kingdom hearts  but i beat metal gear solid faster than you beat kingdom hearts and mgs is longer and harder sooo im better than you
(3:27:26 AM) vertrellcarter: 1 you wouldnt care. 2 you didnt even ask. 3 you never even played mgs. 4 so again..why would you care lol
(3:27:53 AM) vertrellcarter: like if your gf is the prettiest model on the world
(3:28:23 AM) vertrellcarter: and you brag and boast about it to some guy who has some average run of the mill girl down the block
(3:28:31 AM) vertrellcarter: he more than likely will not give two flying fucks
(3:28:44 AM) vertrellcarter: but that person with the model gf is like HAHAHAHA I ONE UPPED HIM
(3:29:04 AM) vertrellcarter: its like since when is there a competition on who fucks the hottest bitches?
(3:29:20 AM) vertrellcarter: let alone when the fuck were we even in competition? lol
(3:29:33 AM) vertrellcarter: like you cant best someone in something they dont care about lol
(3:29:43 AM) vertrellcarter: like if you told me
(3:30:03 AM) vertrellcarter: HEY JAMAL I HAVE BETTER HAND WRITING THAN YOU LOOK and im like k..YEAH I ONE UPPED YOU ok and? YEAH SO YEAHHHHHH
(3:30:04 AM) vertrellcarter: ok
(3:30:05 AM) vertrellcarter: lol
(3:30:18 AM) vertrellcarter: what kills me is that people get all rilled up and bitter and shit
(3:30:25 AM) vertrellcarter: GRRRRRRRRRRRRR MY GF ISNT AS HOT AS HIS GF
(3:30:34 AM) vertrellcarter: GRRRRRRRR MY HANDWRITING SUCKS COMPARED TO HER HANDWRITING
(3:30:37 AM) vertrellcarter: why do you even care?
(3:30:55 AM) vertrellcarter: like man i wish i could buy jordans like hey does every week? why. do you. even.care
(3:31:00 AM) vertrellcarter: and most people dont know
(3:31:19 AM) vertrellcarter: like when that kid talked to me about fucking shoes and i didnt care and asked me how do you get fresh and get bitches?
(3:31:46 AM) vertrellcarter: im like well, i dress like this, i have a fuck you, i dont care attitude and yeah i keep my mouth shut and im not a pompous asshole...its pretty fucking easy
(3:32:04 AM) vertrellcarter: and women do it more than men
(3:32:12 AM) vertrellcarter: and they SURE as hell dont know why they do it
(3:32:26 AM) vertrellcarter: women dont know shit from dick when it comes to knowing why they do shit
(3:32:47 AM) vertrellcarter: bitch why are you stalking that mans house for girls when you arent dating? idk
(3:33:02 AM) vertrellcarter: bitch how the fuck are you bored of a town YOU CHOSE to move to? idk
(3:33:27 AM) vertrellcarter: bitch how are you mad at other people who DONT have kids and can go out but you have a kid and you cant go out? idk
(3:34:00 AM) vertrellcarter: the reason im sooooooo hard on people isnt because i think i have the answers though it comes off that way
(3:34:12 AM) vertrellcarter: i just want people to have a justifable reason as to why they do shit
(3:34:29 AM) vertrellcarter: its not MY reasoning (all of the time) but its a SOUND reasoning
(3:34:38 AM) vertrellcarter: if you do something you should never say ehhh idk
(3:34:49 AM) vertrellcarter: if you say you dont know why you did something...probably shouldnt be doing it anyway
(3:35:05 AM) vertrellcarter: alot of times i jump on people and they go CUZ I WANTED TO
(3:35:08 AM) vertrellcarter: thats not a reason
(3:35:37 AM) vertrellcarter: if i killed your mom and you asked me why...would CUZ I WANTED TO or IDK be exceptable to you? no, no it wouldnt
(3:35:52 AM) vertrellcarter: so i dont get why its so fucking hard to treat everything you do that way
(3:36:15 AM) vertrellcarter: like today
(3:37:02 AM) vertrellcarter: if you were crying and begging on your hands and knees and sobbing and shit and were like jamal, why do you love me? and if i just said i dont know.. and left it at that, that shit wouldnt fly in that situation
(3:37:18 AM) vertrellcarter: hey how carter how come you fell in love with taylor? idk
(3:37:30 AM) vertrellcarter: hey carter how come you married taylor? cuz i wanted to
(3:37:40 AM) vertrellcarter: shits not exceptiable lol
(3:38:43 AM) vertrellcarter: like its yin and yang. 1+1 = 2. its black and white. its clear as day. sun comes up and goes down. moon comes up and goes down. the world turns. you inhale and exhale
(3:39:12 AM) vertrellcarter: theres no ehhhhh idk ehhhh it just does ehhhh maybe ehhhhh sorta ehhhhhh i just do ehhhhh
(3:39:13 AM) vertrellcarter: no
(3:39:32 AM) vertrellcarter: like when you drink and drive
(3:39:42 AM) vertrellcarter: and hit a pole
(3:39:45 AM) vertrellcarter: actually speaking on that
(3:39:52 AM) vertrellcarter: i got shit for this but its true
(3:39:59 AM) vertrellcarter: if you text and drive and drive off a cliff
(3:40:01 AM) vertrellcarter: FUCK YOU
(3:40:04 AM) vertrellcarter: and you deserve to die
(3:40:42 AM) vertrellcarter: if you're that dumb to text/drink/whatever and drive and you die, you deserve that shit. no im sorry to say it no apologies
(3:41:03 AM) vertrellcarter: if you text or drink and drive and you die...good buy thank you, get off my planet
(3:41:07 AM) vertrellcarter: bye*
(3:41:22 AM) vertrellcarter: theres gadgets and other tech you can use if you just HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE TO TALK
(3:41:50 AM) vertrellcarter: if your 5464th twice removed uncle wahhtmmatala from the greek islands died
(3:41:56 AM) vertrellcarter: TRUST ME people will FUCKING CALL YOU
(3:42:17 AM) vertrellcarter: you dont need to text your bff cindy about how u look cute and you hope brad calls you friday
(3:42:28 AM) vertrellcarter: save that shit for a phone call or save that shit for a train stop
(3:42:39 AM) vertrellcarter: get the fuck off my roads
(3:42:55 AM) vertrellcarter: everytime i see someone texting and driving im like god
(3:42:59 AM) vertrellcarter: please crash into a tree or pole
(3:43:01 AM) vertrellcarter: PLEASE
(3:43:14 AM) vertrellcarter: so you just kill you, a birds nest and a good car
(3:43:32 AM) vertrellcarter: same for people who abuse (keyword) hard drugs
(3:43:39 AM) vertrellcarter: if you wake up and go
(3:44:05 AM) vertrellcarter: HEY i want some meth and cornflakes, and then meth for brunch, and meth for lunch and meth for dinner...
(3:44:07 AM) vertrellcarter: great
(3:44:37 AM) vertrellcarter: stay your methy ass at home. dont break in my car. dont break in my house. dont go driving. stay your dumb meth ass at fucking home. get high as shit and just die
(3:45:23 AM) vertrellcarter: thats why im getting so removed from facebook because i am so sick of just AWWW POOR ME AND MY ISSUES WAHHH I NEED RE-ASSURANCE ON THE INTERNET
(3:45:25 AM) vertrellcarter: dont care
(3:46:00 AM) vertrellcarter: what? a couple likes on your status gonna make you stop crying? what a couple likes and comments gonna bring back your dead dog pookiesnufflepuss?
(3:46:42 AM) vertrellcarter: someone had a screen cap of someone doing that shit OHHH POOR ME MY BF IS MAD
(3:46:48 AM) vertrellcarter: and right above them someones mom died
(3:47:02 AM) vertrellcarter: and that person commented on their status and said hey my mom just died get the fuck over your bullshit
(3:47:14 AM) vertrellcarter: and THATS how i fucking feel every single time i see someone bitch on facebook
(3:47:26 AM) vertrellcarter: keep your dumbass "poor me" comments to yourself
(3:47:52 AM) vertrellcarter: i thank goodness twitter you can quickly weed out those people
(3:48:08 AM) vertrellcarter: like i said between emily and this other broad
(3:48:30 AM) vertrellcarter: they are more than enough for me to tolerate as far as life complaints
(3:48:42 AM) vertrellcarter: im so glad i told myself one day
(3:48:46 AM) vertrellcarter: dude just stop
(3:48:59 AM) vertrellcarter: i tell everyone that
(3:49:17 AM) vertrellcarter: trust me no facebook for a fucking week (or more in my case) makes life so much fun
(3:49:39 AM) vertrellcarter: especially after i saw those studies about cellphones bumming people out due to facebook, twitter, instagram, emails, texts, phone calls
(3:50:40 AM) vertrellcarter: im fucking glad i dont text and im glad i only have 2 friends. fucking glad i dont know alot of women or men. fucking glad i dont facebook my life. fucking glad i dont have to take pictures of every single thing i do then post it on facebook and instagram and twitter for gratification
(3:51:50 AM) vertrellcarter: do i not like that you use facebook like that sometimes? yeah, same with sam. i dont like people in my circle to do shit i find foolish but since my circle is so small...fuck it, you guys can do whatever..im over it so consider this convo not even about you guys
(3:52:16 AM) vertrellcarter: and like i said in the note
(3:52:32 AM) vertrellcarter: i see how you are with you friends in pictures and i know you were young so thats probably why
(3:52:52 AM) vertrellcarter: but i NEVER understood fucking people who HAD to take pictures of EVERY. FUCKING. THING. THEY DID
(3:52:59 AM) vertrellcarter: and you know the types im talking about
(3:53:29 AM) vertrellcarter: like tell me there isnt some "hot" girl on your facebook right now who isnt like that
(3:53:36 AM) vertrellcarter: like god
(3:53:42 AM) vertrellcarter: i have a couple on mine
(3:54:00 AM) vertrellcarter: fucking using dads 400 work camera for your fucking dumbass profile picture
(3:54:29 AM) vertrellcarter: or like these bitches (brittany) who take 845464 pictures of herself at the baseball game...because they dont even care about baseball
(3:54:58 AM) vertrellcarter: or bitches who are like I GOTTA LOOK CUTE FOR DA CLUB and take 545665 BY THEMSELVES and not dancing around
(3:55:29 AM) vertrellcarter: or how about girls/guys mainly girls doing those "real" photos of them doing something they fucking set up
(3:56:35 AM) vertrellcarter: hey girls lets pretend like we are dancing everyone get their drink in their hands and lets dance and smile ok 1 2 3 "OH EM GEE, HAVING SO MUCH FUN AT THE CLUB <3" and then they go back to sitting down at a table and complaining that the music is too loud and how there are no hot guys there
(3:58:23 AM) vertrellcarter: just for
omg stacy ur so cute
we had so much fun that nite
ya we cudnt keep the guise off us
lol fuk ya my 5 hot bitches!!!! love ya xD
omg like invit3 m3 next time srsly
fer sure bby were gnna go nxt wknd
(3:58:25 AM) vertrellcarter: like seriously
(3:58:33 AM) vertrellcarter: is that what all of this is for?
(3:58:36 AM) vertrellcarter: like
(3:58:39 AM) vertrellcarter: is this life?
(3:59:22 AM) vertrellcarter: at its core is that all a fucking camera is for now? is that what its all about comparing lives or PRETENDING your life is soooo great even for a day..sometimes even a few hours? is that it?
(3:59:44 AM) vertrellcarter: to like make all the ugly bitches or girls who didnt go jealous?
(4:00:31 AM) vertrellcarter: because i know when i "partied" no one took pictures. there were no photo ops. no one staged pictures. no one facebook'd it. no one twittered it. no one said hang on i gotta snap a quick pic. no one said omg fucking connection i cant upload to facebook
(4:00:36 AM) vertrellcarter: because we were too busy having fun
(4:00:45 AM) vertrellcarter: thats why there are no jamal and reese pictures
(4:00:55 AM) vertrellcarter: or jamal and lakeya (his sister) pictures
(4:01:15 AM) vertrellcarter: or there no family pictures from thanksgiving and shit (not that many anyway)
(4:01:16 AM) vertrellcarter: none of it
(4:01:18 AM) vertrellcarter: doesnt exist
(4:01:32 AM) vertrellcarter: too busy having fucking fun and unplugging and enjoying life
(4:01:51 AM) vertrellcarter: but maybe i have it backwards because it seems like we're going in the opposite direction
(4:02:13 AM) vertrellcarter: its all about "styling" on people and "showing off" your shit to others and HOW COOL you are

Quickie Reviews: Nicki Minaj The Re-Up, Waka Flocka DuFlocka Rant 2, Gucci Mane Trap God 2

This "thing" is awful. There's not really much "new" here in this album/EP whatever she wants to call this. These are clearly left over tracks from her last "album" which was supposed to be an "EP" for her first album.  Now i know it seems like I just hate Nicki which I honestly don't. I really wish she showcase more lyricism like she did on the song "Did It On Em" she tries a bit here but it's a little too late. I mean when you have to get Cassie on a song...yeah. Only grab this if you're a true Nicki fan which I really shouldn't even have to say because you would already have it. 3/10

Laughably bad here for Gucci but what else would you expect. 4/10

5/10 better beats than Gucci so if you just "NEED" a "Trap-Rap" mixtape for the month, this is the one to grab. 5/10

Nothing really mind blowing on any of these..and if you really want a new mixtape to jam check out the new Pusha T mixtape.

YASSS GURL YASSS: The XX covers Beyonce's "I Miss You" aka Oblig Happy Valentines Day Post

Me rn:

The Life & Times of V.Carter Vol.1:Typical Morning

Typical Morning of Douchebag Carter

Here's what I roll over and do every morning:

She says she hates it but she always wants me to massage her butt.

Then I always say " Hey babe wanna try anal today?"
 and she says:

So naturally, being that it's sex and I'm a man. I ask for it again.

"Baaaaaaaaby come oooonnnnn please just a little anal?!"

Then she gives me this face.

Which means:
"Alright, don't press your luck! We can have sex but no anal. Then I have to go to work. I have about an hour."

Let me just answer your questions really quickly:

1. 36 DDD
2. On top is just like in the gif minus the hat
3. All positions the view is awesome
4. I don't like skinny broads
5. Same hair
6. Same boob jiggle
7. Same leg length
8. Same ass size
9. Yes my girlfriend knows about Gianna and she's her favorite. OH SHIT I WONDER WHY!?!

"What!!?! You thought I just used Gianna because I like her?!? Come on man, I'm better than that!"

Here's two moments that my girlfriend doesn't understand why I enjoy:

Gf in the bathroom:

Gf trying on clothes:

Lastly, my friends and I don't work and our gfs do..So I'm going to post an extremely accurate depiction of our really long hectic day:

I'll see you guys next time for Vol.2!

*So accurate, that it made my girlfriend Taylor get a little pissed but she laughed at how real it was.*

I sent this bitch a picture of my diiiiiiiick

Foot fetish master race k thanks bye

thanksbasedjohnny

Cakes Da Killa - The Eulogy

Awesome out of 10

Lustmord & Spooky Music

Track listings

1. Heresy Part I (7:26)
2. Heresy Part II (10:16)
3. Heresy Part III (6:01)
4. Heresy Part IV (6:34)
5. Heresy Part V (7:54)
6. Heresy Part VI (14:44)

Really Heavy Dark Ambient Album..

INTJ Reporting in

and i hate house

MFW

Do you suck at music? Get your levels up

Guts Nostalgia Boners

gf has big tits and this gave me a boner

/b/ Random Sex Stories 6: Knot Funny

>Be 18

>Fucking Girlfriend of 2 years on her bedroom floor

>Girlfriend lives in her uncles house, 23 at the time going to college.

>Uncle has big ass husky

>Fucking her half on/half off the bed, pseudo doggystyle

>Hear door open

>Pounding her ass furiously

>Feel cold nose on ass

>Kick dog away

>tonightyou.gif

>110 lbs of dog on back

>Girlfriend is turned on by this

>Feel dog hit mark

>NOPE.JPG

>Try to kick dog off, still trying to fuck girl

>Dog doesn't give a fuck

>Okay.jpg

>Take knot and cream buckets in my girls ass

>Crying as girlfriend teases me about being a bitch

>Now the beta in our relationship

>Feelsbadman.jpg