Carter's Music Collection

King of all Husbands by @LakeshoreJohnny

FIRST AND FUCKING FOREMOST HOW EPIC ARE THE FEELS FROM THE XX'S NEW SONG "TOGETHER".

INB4 "ERR TEH XX MAKES ME THE SLEEPS" AND 2depressage4me

But, when those violins hit on 3:44 

Alright so lets get back on track.

When I got married last year, Ash didn't change her last name.

IKNORITE?

Actually, it was a match for us. I didn't want her to take my last name, she didn't want to change it. 

I'm not gonna lie, that conversation between she and I ended like this

Anyhoo. We get married. Happiest day of my life, smiles all around, all that. 

mfw people wrote "Mr. Johnny & Ashley Ysaguirre" on our wedding gifts/cards, etc

We still opened took them presents, doe

But getting back to the last name thing. 

I.

fucking.

hate.

that.

way.

of.

thinking. 

In mexican culture, women generally are supposed to cook, clean, make babies and make their sons generally feel like no other woman will be good enough for him therefore all women are scum, but mama is perfect. 

That being said, this was always me

Call me a hippie, call me whatever, I just never liked...rules. 

I kind of always did my own thing, never really following or liking "the expected norm" for me when it came to finding a wife.

What was "the expected norm" for me?

- Brown skin

- Loud

- Obnoxious

- Either a Raiders, Cardinals, Niners fan

- Dad being some kind of alcoholic

- Bonus negative points if Daddy is M.I.A. or dead

- Rihanna fan

- Pitbull fan

- At some point, they will have used the glittery word art as profile pics on myspace

(not ironically)

- Never wanting to go to school seriously, just wanting to pop babies out and be a mom so she can put mohawks on our son and give them baby Jordans to wear

- No ambition for herself

- No drive towards anything

- Religious

- Everything her Mom and Dad tells her is fact, no if ands or buts

- Mexican

FUCK. THAT. NOISE. 

Thats why, I went out and married a white girl. 

Not to say all mexican chicks are like that.....

....but....

.......But......

.....BUT PROVE ME WRONG, BRO.

INb4 Johnny is racist.

I speak facts. 

When my facts aren't in fact facts, in time they eventually become facts. 

FACTS. 

FACTS, BRO. 

FUCKING. FACTS. 

You guys don't believe me though. 

Part of the mexican/world belief is:

>Be married
>Make woman take last name for no good reason

> Repeat and pass down to future generations

What's the point of having your wife/life partner take your last name? YOUR WIFE ISN'T YOUR PROPERTY, BRO. LET HER BREATHE. 

My reason for having Ash keep her last name was simple:

Her reason for not wanting to change her last name was because she's going to become a P.A., graduate from med school with her Masters degree and she said "When I'm a P.A. and they page me in the hospital intercoms, I want them to say my last name, not yours. Why work hard for years and years only to give your last name the win and not my own?"

My reaction:

So when we mail shit to people, we always put "Johnny and Ashley". When we get cards in the mail though, people still put Mr. and Mrs. Johnny Ysaguirre. Its cool, we still laugh though. 

In my own personal opinion, I believe all women want to keep their own last name. Either they're too scared to say anything or still come from the thread of women who didn't care about their own individual legacies. 

That, or they're so complacent to last names they don't care. 

I'm happy I found a woman who thinks for herself, stands for what she believes in and has goals. Body types change, hair colors shift, glasses get put on and taken off, but a woman's mind never differs. I married a woman who isn't afraid of telling her husband to kiss her ass because she's keeping her last name. 

I just think she wasn't prepared for her husband to be cool with it. 

Also, I'm so fucking perfect, I asked her Dad for her hand in marriage. Thus, setting me up for a lifetime invincibility in the eyes of my Father-in-Law. 

Future actual conversation between my father-in-law and I:

"Johnny, you fucked up tonight"
"Yeah, but remember when I asked you for your permission to propose to Ash? Know any guys  nowadays doing that to their future father in laws? Matter of fact, know any guys out here PROPOSING nowadays and actually following through with it and getting married? Also, was Ash pregnant before, during or AFTER the wedding?"

"Nope"

"Well then?"
"BRO, WHAT WAS I THINKING?! YOU'RE STILL THE PERFECT SON-IN-LAW"

*Freeze-frame hug*

This last name thing has caused a rift with certain family members. Its the Downton Abbey reaction group of people.

Certain family members' reaction when they hear Ash didn't take my last name AND I'm 100% cool with it.

Know what I say?

The best man of my wedding asked me a few months before the wedding.

"Bro, Ash isn't taking your last name?"
"Nope"

"Only Johnny, man"

Keep your footrubs, massages, nice text messages sent out of the blue and holding the door open for her all the time, bro. I'm the real King of all Husbands. 

Also. 

ALSO. 

FUCKING ALSO. 

I'm not pressuring her to have babies. AT ALL. 

Yeah, man. Fuck all that "I need to have a baby to validate my life" bullshit. I VALIDATE MY OWN MOTHERFUCKING LIFE, EARTH! Not a fucking shitty-diaper, snot-nosed beacon of decay that will rip my will to live out of my body and replace it with the constant hope of a quick and quiet death so I can finally get some fucking sleep. 

Ready for my crown, tbh

I'm really a one of a kind man. 

Reservation for 1 at the Real Men's Table, plz. 

Individuality in a marriage is crucial and key for a happy one. 2 different people acknowledging the differences between each other will help find the common ground and potential compromise that will help build and form a united front that will stand the test of time. 

*Drops mic and continues to judge men who want their girlfriends to change their last name*

EVERYONE IS POSTING THEIR LIFE VIA GIFS SO WHY NOT ME?! by @LakeshoreJohnny

FIRST OF ALL, I BOUGHT AN iPHONE AND HURR DURR ITS GLORIOUS. 

MFW it took me 20 minutes to sync my iTunes with my iPhone doe

WHEN I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT DOE

DAT SHITTY BATTERY LIFE 

SRSLY. LIKE 3 HOURS OF USAGE, IT GOES TO 20%.

UNACCEPTABLE UNACCEPTABLENESS

Aside from the iPhone, I saw Spring Breakers

YES YES YES.

Honestly. I feel like I could've made Spring Breakers. I found myself like "YES. I WOULD'VE PICKED THAT ANGLE!" "YES, I WOULD'VE CHOSEN THAT SONG!" "YES I WOULD'VE ALSO PICKED GUCCI MANE!"

Gucci Mane. If he's not nominated for an Academy Award...

...it'll be a tragedy.

Lets see. What else is happening? 

I'm still writing Coexist. 

We film this summer in Tempe, Phoenix

WAIT JOHNNY POSTED A KUBRICK GIF IS HE IMPLYING WHAT I THINK HE'S IMPLYING?

mfw 

also Also ALso ALSo ALSO ALSOO ALSOOO I MAY HAVE FOUND A DISTRIBUTOR FOR IT

But I haven't signed any distribution contract...

...yet 

I mean when you think about it, me finding distribution for a film I haven't even began filming yet makes me kinda think its all very surreal. 

I won't get an ego though. I got an ego off when I got my own IMDB page, but I realized the tried-and-true way-of-life is exactly what my Dad told me way back when. 

"Don't do nothing stupid, stay humble, be smart"

I'm looking to film this summer, release it in the fall, so when my 10 year high school reunion comes up next May (shut up) I may run up in that bitch like

"Fuck yo' instagrams of yo' shoes and baby ass babies, son. I'm a mu'fucking VERIFIED FILMMAKER"

Then I'll wait to get verified on twitter

Part of the distribution though, I need to get popular on the indie-marketing side of things. Promote, promote, viral, viral, buzz, buzz, etc. Which is fine. I'll need you guys to let everyone know about Coexist once its time to prove that I can fill an indie theater with my film. 

And when I mean I need you guys to let everyone know...

I mean....

I need you guys....

...to let everyone....

....know. 

Not just a few people. 

Not just people you're on cool terms with. 

I'm talking...

Damn. Check me out. Finally got the iPhone, may have found distribution for Coexist and we hit record this summer. I may just be the finest bitch out right now. 

Nah. For as much as I play myself up that I'm busy doing shit, this is still me a solid 80% of the time. 

Damn. How do you manage to do everything that you do if you only use 20% of your time and brain power?